I just found out my first boss died this month. I was 16, in between my sophomore and junior year, when I went to work for Morrell Larson's
construction company. Morrell 's son Brian and I spent our high school summers pouring cement, tearing down buildings, shingling roofs, getting up at 5:30 to be on the job at 6, listening to KFYR in Bismark, and talking about girls, life, girls, music, Vietnam, cars, our futures after high school and girls. (Did I mention girls?)
Of all the practical lessons Morrell taught me, the most important lessons had to do with cement. Somehow over the years it became a metaphor for me, my parenting, and my work with parents and adolescents. Here's the core of Morrell's practical philosophy on cementology, and the Melheimian spin on how it applies to parenting:
“You’d
better be awake and on the job. You want to have all the right tools you need
clean and ready to go. Anticipate problems. You better have the forms in place
before the truck gets there. Once it starts pouring, you've got to scramble, concentrate and give 110%. Take a good break after a good piece of work. You only have a short time
to smooth things out. If you’ve got a big job, you’ll want to have a big team
helping you. In the long run, it’s much cheaper to have too much help in place than
too little. When things go wrong (and they will), don’t wast any time looking for blame – look for solutions. Expect to get a little
dirty along the way. Don’t forget to clean up when you’re done.”
“And
remember boys,” he’d say to us in his Old World Norwegian brogue, “…the longer
it sets, the harder it gets."
Then longer it sets, the harder it gets.
So,
what does this mean for parenting adolescents you might ask? Run this past anyone you know who works with cement and happens to have a teenager. See if they don't agree:
1. You’d
better be awake, ready and on the job early.
2. You'd better have the right tools ready to go. (Regular communication.
Consistency. Teamwork. Fun. Respect.)
3. You'd better and a good team in place (Multiple redundant
support systems at church, in the family, in the neighborhood, at school).
4. You’d
better have the right forms in place before adolescence. (Family rituals. Nightly faith practices like highs & lows, scripture, talk, prayer, blessing. A handful of completely
inviolable rules. Healthy mechanism to deal with conflict.)
5. When you hit the problem times, blame doesn’t serve any good purpose. Look
for solutions as quick as you can.
6. Once the truck gets there and it starts pouring (or the pituitary kicks in and the
hormones start going nuts), you only have a short time to smooth things out. You'd better concentrate and work at 110%.
7. Take a good break AFTER a good piece of work.
8. Expect
to get a little dirty along the way. It’s all part of the job.
9. Don’t forget to
clean up. (i.e.
confession and absolution every night when it is needed.)
10. “And
remember parents… the longer it sets, the harder it gets.” (The
longer you let an unresolved conflict go unresolved, the harder it gets to smooth
things out.)
One lesson that was never spoken but that was always lived was Morrell's smile. He had a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face that made you think he really might like you. That's a lesson (and practice) every parent needs to intentionally, consistently add to their parenting arsenal.)
They buried Morrell the first week in March 2007 at a ripe old age of 87. We buried Brian, his son and my construction buddy, in 1976, at a ripe old age of 18.
Thanks,
Morrell. You taught me a lot about cement.
And
a lot more.
(PS. Say "hi" to Brian for me.)