Are you a pastor,
on staff, or a volunteer in a leadership role in your congregation? I have had
the privilege to have this role for the last 15 years. Something that has
bothered me about my relationship with those around me is that I have loved
each and every person I come in contact with, but have not felt we were
friends. It has been a hard concept to explain, but I find I am not alone with
this feeling.
I have often
said that if home is church then the church can be a home also. In that
context, those around me in the congregation are my family. I reflect on my
relationship at home with my family. When it comes to my children, I love them
dearly and unconditionally. I would do just about anything for them. But many
times I have felt that being their friend is not helpful. My role as a parent,
from my perspective, has been to love them, nurture them, let them know there
is always a place to call home and come back to, and ready them to live apart
from me in a healthy way so they may live independently and continue on their
own faith journey in a community like the one they were raised in.
Is this not the role I have in the
congregation also? My role with my children clearly is more of a leadership
role. It’s to point them in the right direction and be there to support and
help. My role in the church is the same for God’s children. What a gift (and a
relief) to recognize that loving one another unconditionally is not always synonymous
with being a friend. Some may argue this
point with me, but honestly as a leader in the church, is it not a role I
should take very seriously? And do I not need to set limits and make rules? Am
I not the one responsible for building relationships and nurturing one’s faith?
In my own
family, I have learned that building those relationships is the healthy thing to
do. Providing a time and a place for this lies in my court as the leader in my
home and in the congregation. Over the past 8 years, I’ve learned that
establishing rituals and traditions as Vibrant Faith Ministries suggest is
valuable. And I have learned that using the outline for the FAITH5 as Faith Inkubators
encourages has become that ritual and tradition in my house with family, in
small groups in the congregation, and in meetings.
I recently
called the learning team together for a meeting. When I invited the first
person to share Highs & Lows, someone else spoke loudly and said, “Whenever
Debbie is here we don’t start without Highs & Lows.” That person is
correct. I also will not have a meeting without reading scripture, relating it
to our lives, and closing with a prayer and a blessing. I believe without
setting expectations and intentionality, we can lose focus on why we really
gather in the church community. It is through sharing the FAITH5 and modeling as
a leader in the congregation that I have learned to love others and I believe
they, too, have begun to build deeper relationships. Unless I have the
opportunity to know what’s happening in your life and what to pray for, I don’t
know you.
Pastors,
staff, and volunteers in leadership roles, we are called to love God’s
children. Our challenge is to love them unconditionally as we love our own
children.
In John
15:14, Jesus says, “You are my friends if
you do what I command you.”
Our goal
should be to help others know that Jesus is their ultimate friend, not
me. (Arghhhhh!)Tough lesson to learn, but I have discovered well worth it to be
blessed to be the one who can help others understand what Jesus commanded and
feel very blessed to know that I have a friend in Jesus.
