The Melheimian Sabbatiblog

Amanda the Masterpiece

"I am his masterpiece and to me, that’s all that matters." - Amanda Baldwin

(Note: I'm 52 cities into my 75 city tour, and am taking a break to share a faith statement paper from a girl who was recently confirmed... a girl who reminded me why I'm doing what I'm doing in the first place.)

I started going to this church when I was about 4 or 5. I did the whole Sunday School thing, every Sunday morning. I learned the song that you sing with all the Bible Chapters in order, and made a ton of crafts with a little motto on them which was most likely, ”Jesus Loves Me”.  And in 6th grade I learned about the Apostle’s Creed (even though now, I probably completely forget it). But, I wasn’t always at church.  In 4th grade, waking up at 9.30 in the morning was getting just a little old for me. In fact, I hated it. I actually avoided it at all costs. Or at least, I tried to. Some days it worked, some days it didn’t. And on the days that it didn’t, I wasn’t a happy person. I mean for gosh sakes, it was the weekend. And it seemed like it couldn’t get any worse until my parents told me at the beginning of 7th grade, “You’re going to start a program at church called confirmation. It’s every Wednesday night until the end of 9th grade.”                                                             

“What? You’re kidding right? Why?”   

“Because we said so Amanda. And we already signed you up for it, so you’re going.”   

“(sigh) fine.”    

At that moment, I had hit rock bottom.

On the 1st night of confirmation, boy was I unhappy. “Amanda, you have confirmation at 6.00. We’re leaving here at 5.30!”  “Awwww man….”  So, I get there and oh boy. What a group I got paired with. I knew 2 people. That was it. And, I had 2 sophomore girls in high school as my guides. Great. Just what I needed.  2 girls who are probably going to be too occupied in themselves to even pay attention to us. And they had cell phones. Even better. And then, I had this one lady who was my guide as well. And I didn’t even recognize her. Awesome. And this was how I felt for the 1st 2 months of confirmation. But when my 12th birthday came along, my feelings changed. I walked into “our room” and everywhere on the wall and hanging from the ceiling were signs and every single one said “Happy 12th Birthday Amanda!” And to make this Wednesday night even better, we had cake and cookies, brought in by that lady who I now knew was Ms. Rita. Right there in that moment, I no longer thought that my group was a bunch of girls who just didn’t care and didn’t want to be there. I knew that somewhere in their hearts, there was a place for their confirmands. This was so meaningful to me that if you were to go into my room right now and looked at the wall where my light switch is, every single one of those signs are hanging there.

My second year of confirmation is when I got the closest with my church. I no longer avoided coming and tried to “sleep late” or go really, really slow in getting ready in the morning. I got up and I went. I didn’t care that I woke up at 9.30. I was ready to go and learn about our father. But why, is what you’re wondering. Well, I guess that you could say it was the lessons taught on Wednesdays, or the sermons at church that I was finally starting to listen to. But, I think that it was a combination of both and the fact that now, I didn’t just walk around saying that, “Yea, I’m a Christian. I believe in Jesus.” No. I walk around now saying that same thing, but with confidence in my voice. And that’s because as I was progressing through this confirmation at church, I was slowly becoming more and more of a believer in all of these things about Jesus and everything that he’s done for us, even though we don’t deserve it. And it was all because of these things I was learning in the sermon and in lessons on Wednesdays.

So how, you’re asking has my faith changed? It’s obviously changed in a way that is not easily described. My faith has changed because I believe, I have grown in Christ in my own special way. I’ve always known he was there, but now I believe it even more. I have realized that even though we may do things wrong and bad things may happen, and I may think that everyone is against me, no matter what happens, he is there.  He’ll be with me every step of the way. He loves me.

I am his masterpiece and to me, that’s all that matters.

June 2009, Amanda, St. Johns Lutheran, Columbia, MD

Trish in Texas

     

  

    

 

Here's a few photos from the Texas conferences, plus little something from one of the parents at my Coppell event the other night:

Rich,

I wanted to express my appreciation for the Comedy Night you held at Rejoice in Coppell, TX.  The boys (Brett & Blake) and I had a marvelous time, I wish there were more events such as these for parents and kids.  We just don't get enough opportunities to laugh with our kids.  The boys are busy pestering me each evening for their pillow fight and Faith 5.  My 4 year old has carried his bible song book with him since we brought it home and shown it to anyone he can find.  The interesting thing for me is how quickly Blake accepted you.  You see he is a shy child and will rarely let anyone near him but yet he jumped up immediately when you told him it was time to learn kick boxing.  My 7 year old told me yesterday afternoon that if I didn't have 5 minutes for him then he didn't have 5 cents for me.  Quite the eye opener as I realized I had been ignoring him while trying to get some things done.  We've used several of your sayings and chuckle each time.  Please know that you will be in our prayers and we have been greatly blessed by the time you have shared with us.

Sincerely,

Patty, Brett & Blake Zubritski

Fun - da - mentals of Family Ministry

   
 

 

 
 

Just Breathe

Long time no blog.

Flying out every early morning, setting up every mid-morning, teaching every afternoon, doing standup every evening, and having a glass of wine with some of the most passionate, interesting, interested people in the church every night.

It's physically exhausting, but mentally exhilarating.

Some insights from Mililani, HI to Napa to Seattle to Portland to Kalispel to Denver to Orlando to New Orleans:

1. There is great hope FOR the church
2. There is great frustration WITH the church
3. There are great people who share both with me
4. We must KILL the age-segregated, parent-less, drop-off paradigm for Christian education before it kills the church
5. 7/8 of Christian education will be happening off site three years from today in those churches who choose to use the "every night in every home" methods we're developing
6. The future of Christian education will be done with this equation: MDP + MET+ MEP x 7

Most Dedicated People (i.e. parents... the ones who would die for the kid without thinking twice) plus Most Effective Times (I'll blog this later, but suffice it to say it's not on Sunday morning at 9 am... according to the human brain, the most effective time for maximum meaning making is 8 hours a night. It has to do with the hippocampus, neo cortex, and a few other things I'll blog later)
Most Effective Practices (that's where the psychology of learning meets the sociology of learning meets the neurology of learning meets the theology of learning... and this needs a lot of time, too)
x 7 (that's where our "every night in every home comes in)

7. The new model for "children's ministry" will be "children DOING ministry"
8. The new model for "family ministry" will be "families DOING ministry" (every night in every home)
9. The new model for "youth ministry" will be "youth DOING ministry"
10. The new model for the "children's sermon" will be the "children DOING the sermon"

My Houston, Coppell, Dallas, Austin, Huntsville, Elizabethtown conferences are today through Tuesday.

I'll drop some photos tomorrow... if I have five minutes to spare.

Cheers, ciao and mazaltov.

Friedman Plus

 

Hey FINKS,

Well, my Mac took it upon itself to fry the hard drive in Nashville last week, so a quick visit to the Genius Bar (and they are) left me computerless from there to home yesterday. I've got a brand new Mac now, and will be a raving Mac fan for life. In the meantime, I missed posting about Nashville, St. Louis, Lincoln, Sioux Falls, and Mankato. Suffice it to say, they were all marvelous!

Here's something you might find helpful in case you are trying to change your systems at church and run up against a Christian Ed board who thinks FINK is all fun and games - and looks like too much fun to have any depth and be effective. ("Confirmation Lite?" as old Margret Gritch at Phillie Sem used to tell her students.) It comes in the form of a question that hit me this morning, and my voluminous answer. (Hey, I've been Mac-less for a week. I deserve to wax a bit. It just feels so good to be typing again!)

Rich,
I would be interested to hear more about your family systems focus. Are you referring to Bowen/Friedman systems theory? I am seeking ways to apply this to all areas of ministry...

Thanks!
Tom

Hey Tom,

Okay, you asked for it.

Friedman was pivotal in my early systems work, but...

It all started with a mom and dad who loved me, read to me, and had home devotions every night.

It moved from my little world to a broader world at Bible camp, where I learned that faith could come out of the book and into your life in powerful ways when music, skits, games, servanthood and the arts were combined with the love and care and fun of a small group. (And a few cute girls.)

It moved from there to my dozen parish pastor years, where I tried to combine home with education with worship, and make them all LOOK like Bible camp. My biggest struggle was trying to find effective ways to pull in parents into the process of their own kids faith lives.

Therein lies the rub. And that's the aim of my next 15 years of ministry. The first 15 at FINK were focused on making the PROGRAM better at church. The next will be focused on bringing it home in simple, elegant, fun and effective ways.

If the biggest piece of the faith incubation system is the parents, then we've got to get to them or we'll be missing our most important asset.

You can't fix a broken system by ignoring the most important piece.

First things first.

Now, back to Friedman for a moment. I tend to call the FINK approach "Friedman Plus." In building our model for family ministry, I tend to combine his "Generation to Generation" family systems thought with:

1. The systems theory of MIT’s Peter Senge (The Fifth Discipline)
2. The educational philosophy of Bill Glasser (The Quality School/Schools Without Failure)
3. The social engineering of Malcom Gladwell (The Tipping Point/Blink)
4. The experiential pizzazz of Pine and Gilmore (The Experiece Economy)
5. The dance/movement philosophy of Carla Hanniford (Smart Moves)
6. The arts philosophy of Betty Edwards (Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain)
7. The brilliance of my good friend Dr. He Qi
8. An absolute fascination with his childhood idol Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood)
9. And a love of music, the theater, dance and the visual arts.

I combined all that with my own infectious enjoyment of humor as a learning tool, an intense curiosity of the neurology, psychology, and sociology of learning and a deep desire to harness and drive the latest technologies of learning into the hands of children.

And, if you want to go deeper and Google to your heart's delight...

My understanding of a child’s acquisition of knowledge is influenced by Piaget and Vygotsky’s theories on cognitive development. Both believed that children are active participants in learning new knowledge.  Piaget’s constructivist approach (assimilation and accommodation) focused on four stages of cognitive development (sensorimotor and preoperational stages are characteristic of young children). Vygotsky focused on the transitions from one stage to the other (Zone of Proximal Development) and believed that the construction of knowledge can be socially mediated by adults and peers.  The teacher and peers can be agents of scaffolding the child’s current knowledge to new concepts of learning. 

My thinking about children’s social emotional development is guided by Maslow’s theory of a hierarchy of basic needs and Erikson’s theory of a sequence of issues that need to be resolved for healthy development (Eight Stages of Man).

Smilansky’s research on how children learn through play and the four types of play (functional, constructive, dramatic or pretend play and games with rules) all play a central influence in the design of everything PIP is creating – from the curriculum as a whole, to the delivery systems for information, down to the daily schedules. 

Reggio Emilla’s work influences our project’s thinking about the importance of art and architecture as a symbolic language. In our building design and teaching space, the room is, indeed, the third teacher.

(Clear out the crap from your Sunday School rooms, please! Take everything out of the room, wash the walls down, paint them bright white and only put back a couple of beautiful pieces of art that you will focus on today!)

Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences is embedded throughout our learning experiences, planning, curriculum, and technology designs. You've got to understand and embraces the fact that each child AND parent is different and unique. The project honors these differences by designing resources that take into account the various learning styles and cognitive abilities of children.

Eric Jensen’s work on brain-compatible teaching has had a foundational influence on our arts-based processes, platforms and learning products. Every aspect of this project – from the colors on the walls to the beat frequency of the music during new information acquisition, to the size and shape of the learning environment, to the ebb-and-flow of the scheduled days, weeks and units, to the cartoons to the curriculum and online home resources – all of these pieces are designed with the neurology of the young mind in mind.

Add Gail Godwin: "Good teaching is 1/4 preparation and 3/4 theater", George Bernard Shaw: "If you're going to tell the truth, you'd better make them laugh or they'll kill you",  Pablo Picasso: "Art is the lie that helps you see the truth", and our friend Wm. Shakespeare: "The play's the thing whereby I'll catch the conscience of the king."

As you study what we do at FInK, you’ll see that everything we create is brain-based learning built on an arts-based platform. Scripture music, movement, theater and visual arts are engaging means to impact intelligences often overlooked and under-utilized in traditional educational programs. In FINK all learning is presented TO the children AND their parents through the arts, then explored, dissected, rebuilt, and re-presented BY the children and their parents through the arts.

We want to open the kid BEFORE we open the book. We want to retain the kid AND the information. We want to fill in blanks in lives... not just workbooks.

And we want everything we do on Sunday or Wednesday to go home into a nightly home huddle seven nights a week.

So... is that enough for you a Tuesday morning?

(-;

rich

(PS I'm at Esperanza in Phoenix, AZ Wednesday the 10th, Messiah in Yorba Linda, CA on Thursday the 11th, St. Andrews Presbyterian on Friday the 12th, and Christ in Mililani, Hawaii on the 13th. Then it's Napa, Las Vegas, Sammamish, WA, Kalispell, MT, Park City, UT, and Wheat Ridge, CO before getting home for church on Father's Day. Come on over!)

Judy Takes Good Notes

Judy Wiles at Crossroads UMC, my Friday host, took a great set of notes and reflections after our conference there on Friday. In case you're coming to one of my conferences in Nashville, Lake St. Louis, Lincoln, Sioux Falls or Mankato this week and you'd rather listen than write, Judy has done all your work for you below. Thanks Judy!

Faith Ink Thoughts

What is priority for our church?
    Families as faith forming centers?
    Circles as the main form of church?
Use Priority time and space for priority goal.

Deficiencies in church:
    Systems Problem that has developed over time.
    People leaving the church.
    People disconnected from God.
    People have lost foundation in scriptures.
    People have given over to the world’s ways.
    Children have little guidance in home.
    People go to the experts for everything – have lost confidence in parenting
    Dads more disconnected than moms
    Relationship with God has been lost for many
    Relationship with kids lost – time spent with kids minimal over time
        Basically – families spend one week a year in real conversation with teens.
    New generation tapped into many sources of communication – interactive with
    these sources.  Want to be involved in learning rather that being talked at.
    Sunday teaching format will not reach younger generation – behind the times for
    them as based on studies from awhile back.  Need shorter teachings and time to
    process and interact with teachings – draw out learning
    Busy area
    1 hour a week not enough to build foundation.
    We’ve lost committed Sunday school leaders over the years – gone form leaders
    That would teach for the year – building relationships with kids in their groups –
    To leaders that will only commit to once a month
    Lost family commitment to kids in faith formation

What we have to work with:
    People deeply love and care about their children.
    Would give their lives for them.
    Educated area that can grasp what has been lost and why.
        History of Sunday school and establishment
    Educated area that could understand the weakening of the church through
        Understanding of the splits in the Christian church – 27000 different
        Christian denominations in US – stuck on little differences and have lost
        Cohesiveness
    Educated Area that can understand sleep and how the mind works during the
        night.
    Educated area that is concerned about changes in the world and what these
    will mean for the next generation.
    Parent’s knowledge of current education methods and the lack of utilizing these
    in the schools and churches…
    Home is where a family spends most of their time together
    Evening is a great time for families to talk about their days, pray, bless… because
    Sleep is a time of absorbing – will tend to absorb most the last things focused on.
    Family time greatly valued because it’s limited in busy society – work with that.

Faith Ink Response:
Families need to be faith-forming centers – this is priority.
Family is where life happens – natural intergenerational group.

Group Learning:
Integrated learning a huge help.
Parents can learn with children.
All Learning methods need to be incorporated
Ideal:  This happens intergenerationally – setting with parents and kids together
    Say the same thing you want someone to learn in different ways – have one main
    thing you want to sink in.
    Different ways include:
        Show and tell for preschool
        Music that’s engaging put to scriptures to aid in memory work
        Sign Language to engage the body
        Stories told with simple illustrations – kids retell stories
        Art that brings story to life – shared with congregation
    Appeals for children in elementary age:
        Cartoons to help tell Bible stories
        Kids retell the stories
        Reader’s theaters etc… other ways to process
        Art to create something of what they are gleaning
        Kids share artwork with whole community and teach adults what they see.
        Games to reinforce what they are learning

Home Practice:
Give kids a Flintstones Vitamin – need to give spiritual vitamin – piece of the rock
‘Take 5’ – 7 Days a week.  Share Highs and Lows, Scripture or story, Talk about connections (let kids connect), Pray for Highs and Lows, Bless the kids
Before bedtime is best – because of memory work that happens as we sleep.

Parenting/Family Guidance from Faith Community:
Stepping Stones – 1st 3 for parents alone – after that, parents and kids meet together.
    great way to instill what can be and “model” what it could look like. 
    Suggestion:  Do Sundays after church – while eating lunch – or Sunday evenings
    with a meal.
    Suggestion:  Stepping Stones could be a way to encourage intergenerational
        worship.

Sunday Mornings:
Ideal:  One place in life where all generations are together. Church needs to take advantage of that.
Intergenerational experience at 9:00 – regular service at 11:00
Follow 4 year Bible teaching plan – to build foundation that has been lost.
Suggestion:   Try this out on a first Sunday – use first Sunday to throw out the
hook with the bait and see what response you get.  In that way – congregation is a part of discernment – and we will know
        If we’re on track if we get response that says, “we should do this!”

Where I see holes or have questions:
Teaching about listening for God – relationship piece.
        Practices of Highs/Lows, Scripture, Talk, Prayer, Blessing are
        a great foundation – If Parents begin to understand the work of
        the spirit of God and how he is with them – bringing life
        through connections – then they are well on their way in their
life with God as a family.  Basically – see need to connect dots of what they are experiencing so the spirit can breath more life
        into the practices.

Opinion: Greater emphasis needed in explaining that
connection in a world far from listening to God and walking in obedience.  It’s foreign to many – so help needed to open the eyes.

Sharing Faith Stories of today and the need for adult relationships to support the journey.   Feel we need to hear the stories of transformation to give us hope and desire of what could be.

Care Ministry needed for those who need more emotional guidance - Support Groups

Suggestion:    This is where circle format of trimester’s idea would fit in.  Stepping
        Stones could be a part of this – as well as other offerings that would
        incorporate the deeper walk.  Short term circles to hit on needed things.

More material needed for Preschool – adaptation would be necessary there.

The Week in Photos

 

Raising a Child Who Won't Worship

I'm 29 cities into the 75 city tour and sitting alone in a loud bar somewhere outside of Richmond. It was the only place I could find wireless, as the hotel's wireless didn't work tonight.

I've enjoyed the hospitality of old FINKS Dave and PJ at Phoenix, MD, Bob and Becky in Basking Ridge, NJ,  Cindy in Phoenixville, PA, and just today new FINK Judy at Crossroads UMC in Ashburn, VA, just outside of DC. Richmond tomorrow, then a day off to drive the back roads through the Smokies, then a conference in Lebanon, TN (Nashville) and a meeting with the UMC, Lake St. Louis and a conference with Concordia Publishing, Lincoln, Sioux Falls, and Mankato with our old CEO FINK Patrick Patterson, then a day off all alone at my cabin before the west coast tour begins.

I'm running into churches who continue to run worship concurrent with Sunday School. They are perpetuating a number of systemic problems and setting their churches up for long-term slow death by doing this.

They are setting up a system where people choose between worship and education, where mothers (mostly mothers) are teaching Sunday Schools and children RARELY see a male faith role model, let alone see their fathers engaging in faith issues with them. They are knocking their heads against the walls to recruit teachers who don't want to be there, and then enabling people to drop their kids off and disengage from their faith lives. They are setting up a system that recruits teachers who never worship, and educating kids who never worship, and making it darn convenient for parents and kids to never talk faith together.

It seems to me that the systems we put in place either bless or curse us.

If you set up a system where children DON'T worship, you will raise a young adult who WON'T worship.

I think there's a better way.

E-mene-mo-ne-wo-men (We Had remembered)

It's Memorial Day, and I just remembered my favorite Greek word.

E-meme-mo-ne-wo-men. I think it was the plu-perfect for "we had remembered."

Nice sound. Seven syllables. A fun word to run by your tongue over and over and over and over and over.

Those Greeks... they liked to be very precise. Six tenses and all. They could say EXACTLY what they wanted to say. Very left brain.

I'm sitting in the airport on the way to Baltimore, remembering. Moving from left brain to right, over and over and over and over the memories of what matters to me the most.

My beautiful wife who had put up with me for 30 years. My wonderful children - 20 and 16 - who care deeply for the world and donate so much joy to my emotional bank account when I feel depleated. My 89 year-old dad who is slowly slipping away, but who can remember the names of ever soldier in his outfit. My crazy sisters. My mom, who ate her 76th birthday cake in the hospital before volunteering for the surgery that closed her eyes on this side of eternity and opened them to God.

Runyon Peterson, who knocked down the walls of Buchenwald Prison Camp and freed Elie Weisel, then built a church in a sugar beet field for my pasor dad after stuffing the ballot box at Dilworth Lutheran Church. Dave Reyerson, the best social studies teacher an 8th grader could ever have, who left teaching to sell insurance because teaching didn't pay enough. Mrs. Gracila Wilborn, the Spanish teacher who kept me alive in college when Dr. Georgicas, my Greek professor, was trying to kill me. Uncle Frank Melheim, who enlisted in the Navy in WWII to see the world and spent the whole war in San Francisco. (Tough job, but someone had to do it.) His son Greg Melheim, who worked for Obama in Chicago when Obama was only one of 10,000 social organizers. My friend Arlen, who has cared for me as a brother and supported me in ways that few brothers would do. Father Gahns, the Catholic priest in Dilworth who was rumored to keep kids in his storm cellar.

Bob Skare, who worked in Military Law and intelligence during the Korean War, then donated a ton of money to start a preschool based on my research and early learning theories. A preschool that I haven't figured out how to invent. Yet.

Monty and Tom, who keep me honest. Gene and Brad and Mike and Victor and Cynthia and Lauren and Chris and Chris and Angie and TJ and Dan and Brian and Tim and Amy and Mike and Zanny and Phil and Todd and Rick and Craig and Gary and Jeannie and Charles and Mark and He Qi and SongYang and Kara and Brad and Kathy and Steve and Ann and Tim and Victor and all the folks who believe and try and do and fail and pick themselves up and try again.

We had remembered.

We.

It's not just me.

Had.

It's past. But it's now, too.

Remembered.

To become a member with - a part of - the memories that matter again.

For a guy who spends most of his life in the right brain, it's good to return to the left from time to time.

Happy Memorial  Day.

PS: I'm in Phoenix, MD, tomorrow, then Basking Ridge, NJ, then Phoenixville, PA, then Ashburn, WA, then Richmond, then a trip through the Smokies to Nashville.

Pillow Fights & Birthdays

I've enjoyed a week on the road in Farmington Hills & Jenison, Michigan, then Dayton with the UMC and Pittsburgh. The most memorable day was Wednesday in Jenison, where we followed the evening talk with a pillow fight! Early this morning I flew to North Dakota for an 89th birthday party for my dad. He's doing a lot better than a couple months ago. He dressed for dinner, enjoyed the cake, and participated in the conversations. He's also gained 10 pounds, so we think the move has been healthy for him. Tomorrow I preach at Faith in West Fargo, then do the afternoon/evening before heading back to a little dad time. Then it's Bismarck, followed by dad time, followed by Cleveland (Bay Village). Life is good.